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Enter your favorite joke, we would love to see them!
(warning... some jokes may be offensive for some viewers!  )
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A vagina is like a tin roof. If you don't nail it enough it ends up at the neighbours!
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A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we’re going up to our room for a little while."
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.
"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who paddled our butts for sucking our thumbs."
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A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times.
On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom since, after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.
She responded:
"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be."
"My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me the documentation."
"My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up."
"My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and you know the old saying - 'Those who CAN, DO; those who can't, teach."
"My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department. He knew he had the order, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver."
"My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method."
"My seventh husband was from Finance and administration. He knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job or not."
" My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations, and he told me that he met the minimum standards but regulations weren't clear on how to do it."
"My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. Even though he had the product, he just wasn't sure how to position it."
"My tenth husband was a psychiatrist. All he ever wanted to do was talk about it".
"My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."
"My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was. . .God I miss him!"
"So now I've married you, and I'm really excited."
"Why is that," asked the lawyer.
"Well, it should be obvious! You're a lawyer!! I just know I'm going to get screwed this time!!!!"
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A man finds a bottle and rubs it. A Genie pops out. The Genie says "I've been in there for centuries thank you letting me out. You get 3 wishes. I'm tired of talk - just think them and they will be." So the man thinks and poof: a mansion appears. Poof: naked women running around everywhere. Then poof: the KKK in full garb appear, take the man out and lynch him from a tree. The next day the Genie is at Starbucks talking with other Genies because that's where they drink their coffee. He speaks of the day before. "They all wish for the same thing: the mansion and naked women, but the 3rd wish was so confusing. Why would you want to be hung like a Nigger?"
--Paul Mooney
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Why do womenwear panties? The city regulations reguire all manholes be covered.
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The husband says to his wife, "Honey, my olympic condoms arrived today so I think I will wear the GOLD tonight." She replies, "Why don't you wear the SILVER so you cum second for a change!"
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The husband stood so proudly in front of the mirror naked flexing his muscles. He smiles at his wife and says "Honey, just look at this 200 pounds of dynamite!" She looks up at him and says, "yeah, just too bad the fuse is so short!"
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Women have super powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, can make boneless meat hard and make men eat without cooking!
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Women are like phones. They like to be held, talked to and touched often. But push the wrong buttons and your ass is disconnected!
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A guy goes to a palmist to see what his future holds. The guy reads his palms and looks at him telling him to remove his pants. The guy hestiated but did it because he trusted his palmist, he was the best. So he looks at his clients dick and tells him about his past and what he thinks his future would be. The guys was amazed at what he knew about his past and asked him why he had to look at his cock, he was a palmist and reads hands. The palmist told him that he had been jerking off so much the lines on his hands are printed on your dick.
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A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00... on one condition..."Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.
"The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said.... "Clean my house."
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A wife asks her husband "how many women have you slept with? The husband replies.... "Only you my dear for all the others I was awake!
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Redneck code of Honor: Get honor, stay honor and if you can't come inner then come honor!
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Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
Cause they both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you!
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Why are men like a new carpet?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them the rest of their life! 
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A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...
on one condition..."
Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."
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Men are like* Snowstorms* . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
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Men are like .* Mascara *. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 
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I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. After hypnotising 7 men he dropped the microphone onhis toe and yelled "Fuck me!" 
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